


The Point Is Probably Moot

by profound-boning (farawaystardust)



Series: Love Screws Me Up [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Angels, Angel Castiel, Angel Courting, Angel Dean, Fluffy Ending, Insecure Castiel, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Michael/Dean, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Omega Dean, POV Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 06:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9644348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farawaystardust/pseuds/profound-boning
Summary: Despite his devotion to their Father, Castiel knows that his heart has belonged solely to Dean for millennia. And he feels sadder by the day to know that such a love will never be reciprocated.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drdean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drdean/gifts).



> Written for [dr-dean](http://dr-dean.tumblr.com/)'s [ABO Birthday Challenge](http://dr-dean.tumblr.com/post/153694800449/). My prompt: Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield. Thanks for hosting, Lois! And happy birthday :D

Ever since they were fledglings, Castiel has been a little in love with Dean.

Their creation was an act of love, and God’s love sustains them. All angels experience the love of their angelic family and of their particular Choir. From the time they are able to fly angels share in that community.

But since his maturation, Castiel has known that his love for Dean extends beyond the norm.

When they were small, the hours spent playing amongst the clouds, visiting various celestial bodies, and singing praise were cherished. Castiel has so many fond memories of the play of light through Dean’s tawny wings, the sound of his laughter, and the way his freckles bloomed across the bridge of his nose.

As he grew older, Castiel proved himself to be an excellent strategist and a brilliant warrior. His alpha disposition guided him in his assertiveness, his athletic ability, and his devotion to defending his fellow angels.

Michael the Archangel was quick to bring Castiel into his Choir of soldiers, to herald him as a leader and an alpha of high status.

And, unfortunately, to move in on Castiel’s best friend.

It wasn’t obvious at first, and it may not even have been an intentional act of aggression on Michael’s part. Castiel had gone to great lengths to ensure that no one would know of his deep fondness for Dean, lest the feeling go unreciprocated or be rejected. So Michael almost certainly did not look down at his battalion one day, peer into Castiel’s grace, and turn his affections towards the one for whom Castiel’s spirit sings, but it happened regardless.

While Castiel holds Michael in great esteem and loves him as he loves the whole of his Choir, of his angelic family, he is finding it more and more difficult to contain the unhappiness he feels at seeing Michael and Dean together. He feels resentful and ashamed. Michael brings Dean many tokens, smiles brightly at him, offers his hand when they walk, and every time he sees it, Castiel’s heart aches even more.

:     :     :     :     :

Dean visits Castiel at his nest on Thursday, as usual. Dean’s work with the fledglings always ends early, as does Castiel’s work with his Choir during times of Peace.

So it's not unusual when Dean flops bodily onto the large plush couch in Castiel’s living room. “Heya, Cas.”

Dean has been using that nickname for centuries, ever since they still had their fledgling feathers and baby fat on their cheeks.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas replies from his spot at the kitchen counter. “Would you like something to eat?”

“Whatever you have handy is fine, don’t worry ‘bout me.” Dean grins.

Cas brings Dean a piece of fruit and settles at the other end of the couch. His inky black wings stretch out behind him, draped off the edge. Dean’s flutter, as if in response.

“Thanks,” Dean mutters as he bites in the sweet skin. “How are you? It’s been a few days.”

“Yes,” Cas agrees. “It has. You have been busy, it seems.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “What’s that supposed to mean Cas?”

He grimaces internally. “I just meant that you’ve been working, as have I. And, well. Spending time with our Choirs and such.”

Dean's eyes flicker over Castiel’s form, brow still furrowed. “I guess so,” he says slowly. “Would still feel better if I was making time to see you, though.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re my best friend and all.”

The balloon of hope that had risen in Castiel’s chest deflates mightily at Dean’s statement. It shouldn’t really, Castiel knows that they’re best friends. Aside from Dean’s broodmate Samuel, there is no closer pair. But he feels empty nonetheless, wanting. His grace longs to mingle with Dean’s in a way that is reserved for mated pairs.

Despite his devotion to their Father, Castiel knows that his heart has belonged solely to Dean for millennia. And he feels sadder by the day to know that such a love will never be reciprocated.

:     :     :     :     :

Why could he not have been the one to woo Dean? Why didn’t he recognize his feelings for what they are earlier, and why didn’t he act on them?

Knowing that Michael and Dean will announce their official courtship any day now is completely ruining Castiel’s focus on his duties. He should be coordinating with his Choir, adding to maps of their regions, and tending to their Garden. But he is consumed with thoughts of losing Dean.

Courtships take a long time between mature angels. There are many forms of commitment to be expressed and each display must be accepted by both the alpha and the omega angel.

It seems strange to mourn his loss when in reality, Dean was never his to lose. And Castiel has never wanted to be _that_ alpha, one who claims ownership of _their_ omega, as if they were somehow superior to their partner.

But the fact remains that Castiel and Dean have been best friends for so long, and Castiel has loved Dean more than any other angel for longer than he can remember, and now he has to be a supportive friend. He should encourage Dean to accept Michael’s offer.

Secretly, Castiel has planned out the steps he would take to ask Dean for the honor of courting him.

Angels indicate interest by preparing food and drink that is appealing to their intended. They clarify their intentions with their chosen’s Choir or broodmates before composing music for them. Many alpha angels like to give gifts of other garments, while omega angels will often craft other tokens of affection; it all depends on their individual personalities and their partnership. In the end, the alpha and omega angel exchange a primary feather and wear their gift publically as a symbol of devotion prior to their private mating.

Castiel would give Dean anything he desires. He would speak first with the angel Samuel, then the rest of Dean’s Choir. He’d bake as many pies as Dean could eat, sing numerous ballads of adoration, gift him many beautiful tunics and robes, and finally, he would wear one of Dean’s feathers with pride.

He’s lucky to not have heard any music or seen any crafts made by Dean for Michael. He has witnessed Michael delivering sweets to Dean’s nest and a lengthy conversation between Michael and Charlotte, arguably Dean’s closest friend in his Choir. They are a fiery pair, and Castiel holds great respect for Charlotte and many of the other angels in Dean’s Choir like Benjamin and Joanna. If he had any chance of mating with Dean, he would tell them stories of their youth, of how his admiration for Dean in childhood has grown exponentially with age. He’d promise them his love for Dean is true and take all of their advice about the best tokens for Dean.

If he had any chance at all of winning Dean’s hand, he’d be the luckiest angel in all of Heaven.

:     :     :     :     :

Even though he’d been expecting it, Castiel is still shaken to his core when Dean comes over for his regular Thursday night visit with a courting gift in his hands.

No, not a gift intended for Castiel, but a gift that Dean received from Michael.

“It’s an apple pie,” Dean tells him with a big smile on his face. Castiel can hardly swallow around the lump in his throat. Sure, _he_ knows that while Dean does enjoy apple pies, he _prefers_ blueberry or pecan. So while _anyone_ might have been able to provide Dean with a decently good pie, Castiel would have been able to give him his _favorite._ And he would have baked it himself, too; did _Michael_ see fit to bake it himself? Or did he simply acquire it?

He shouldn’t think so negatively of the leader of his Choir, of one of their Father’s archangels, but the pain in his chest is like a furnace, ready to destroy.

If he had been the one to catch Dean’s eye, to win his heart, he could provide. Maybe he wouldn’t be as good or as successful as Michael, but he’s certain he could make Dean happy. No matter how long it took or how many mistakes he’d make, Castiel would stop at nothing to ensure Dean’s happiness. Michael couldn’t do that. Or could he?

“Congratulations,” he forces out. Michael is the best of them. Dean deserves nothing less than the best. Castiel is so focused on looking as neutral as possible, he doesn’t notice Dean’s features slump, his wings droop.

“For what?”

“Surely you’ve accepted it by now,” Castiel asks, despite the roaring in his ears. “You shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

Dean’s wings twitch in agitation. _"I’m_ not keeping anyone waiting, Cas. Michael’s cool, but…” They twitch again, this time with what Castiel thinks is frustration.

“But nothing, you should accept immediately.” Castiel wonders idly if there’s a physical reaction to heartbreak or if it’s simply an emotional one.

“I… Maybe you’re right.” Dean agrees, lifting his chin and squaring his shoulders. Dean will look even more beautiful with Michael by his side. To have believed for even one _second_ that he had ever stood a chance was a folly.

Suddenly, Dean is inside of Castiel’s personal space. There in the doorway between Castiel’s kitchen and living room, Dean is holding Castiel's face in both of his hands, the tips of his wings reaching for Castiel’s in a soothing caress.

“Cas,” Dean breathes, stroking his thumbs over Castiel’s cheekbones. “You’re crying.”

Oh. That would explain the way his vision had begun to blur. Castiel blinks several times to dispel the tears and pretends not to relish Dean’s proximity.

“It’s—. Everything is fine, Dean. I’m—”

“Like Lucifer’s forked tongue is everything fine!” Dean gently shakes Castiel’s jaw where it rests between his palms. “You just started crying out of nowhere. The last time I saw you cry was when that bag of dicks Zachariah broke your harp like four millennia ago. Something is wrong and you are crying and you are my best friend. Talk to me.”

Castiel can’t help but shed fresh tears at the reminder that yes, he and Dean are the best of friends. And the mating, the grace connection, the peace and joy and love that he has dreamed of were never meant to be his.

Dean, ever the considerate friend, wraps his arms around Castiel’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug, putting his face into the crook of Castiel’s neck. Castiel can’t bring himself to do more than place his hands onto Dean’s hips and squeeze.

“I wish I could give you everything.”

By all the demons in all the vast spaces of Hell, Castiel never _ever_ meant to say those words aloud. Feeling Dean’s body tense in his embrace is like being submerged in ice cold water. There’s no going back now. Dean will know of his affections and he will grow uncomfortable with the knowledge, he will slowly drift away from their friendship and Castiel will live the rest of his days not only without a mate but also a best friend.

“Cas, what are you saying?” Dean steps back far enough to look him in the face, but not enough to lose his grip on Castiel’s shoulders. _"Castiel._ This is very important. What are you saying?”

Castiel drops his gaze to their feet. He’ll never be able to stand this close to Dean again. Certainly, Michael is the jealous kind of alpha.

“Michael is—is so good. That is to say, he’s a good partner. He will be good to you.” _If I hear that he’s not I will rend his wings from his body, I will send his spirit crashing to Earth, I would upend all of Creation to keep you safe from harm._ “But I have wondered about—. That is to say, I have imagined how it would be—. What a mating between the two of us—. How it could be—be good, too.” The tears just will not stop coming. “I will always love you, Dean, and I’m really so happy that—that you and Michael—”

“Are you—? No, Cas. _Cas."_

Castiel flinches, ready to accept Dean’s reaction be it dismissive or angry. He doesn’t expect to feel Dean step even closer to him, their feet crisscrossed, nearly chest to chest.

“You big stupid alpha.” Dean’s lips are pressed against his forehead and Castiel thinks it is better than any benediction. “You… All this time I thought—. And you—. Damn it, Cas.”

Castiel moves his hands from hanging loosely at his sides to rest against Dean’s sternum. He thinks he ought to push Dean away since Dean is now clearly spoken for, but he’s a selfish angel and he’ll take every moment in Dean’s arms that he’s given like the gift that it is.

“You mean to tell me you’ve thought about mating with me but you were ready to push me into a courtship with Michael just like that?” Dean actually chuckles. Castiel thinks he must look stricken.

“To mate with Michael would be an honor, Dean. Truly, he is—”

“I mean yeah he’s a nice enough guy and he’s got wings for days but Cas. _Cas._ I’ve loved you since we were chubby baby angels, man. I’ve thought about wearing one of your feathers and bearing your mark for centuries. Millennia, even. How could you not have known?”

Surely Castiel’s halo is on too tightly, cutting off his brain function. There is simply no universe in which Dean, an omega of the fourth Choir, his best friend, just confessed that he loves Castiel in return.

“You—I—”

“D’you really think I’d be happier with Michael than I would be with you, Cas? You’re my best friend.” There are tears on Dean’s cheeks, too. Like he’s just as happy as Castiel is. Could this really be happening?

Dean leans forward again and presses their foreheads together. He takes a deep breath. “If I had known, had any idea that you felt even a fraction of what I’m feeling, we could have shared so much.”

“What matters now is the future.” Castiel finds his voice. “You—. If you’d really—. I mean if you’re sure—”

_"Cas."_ Dean laughs and then bites his lip. “Can I kiss you?”

Castiel’s heart swells in his chest. “Yes, please.” He takes both of Dean’s hands in his own before meeting Dean’s lips halfway. It’s sweet and good and everything Castiel believed it could be, but never imagined would be his to experience.

“I don’t think I can measure up,” Castiel confesses, lips a mere breath apart. “I’m not an archangel. I’m not the fastest or the strongest, and you deserve the best.” He squeezes Dean’s hands in a request for silence when he hears Dean’s inhale. “You deserve the _best._ We can’t change the past. But if you’ll have me, I am going to spend every moment of the rest of our existence being the best that I can be for you. I will love you until the stars burn out.”

“Sappy alpha,” Dean teases him, pressing their lips together once more. “Cas, you are everything beautiful and good in this life, and since we’re gonna mate like tomorrow because like Hell am I going to waste one more minute, I promise to do the same. I’ll show you that me deserving the best means I need you by my side, always.”

“And you shall have me,” Castiel promises, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. Their wings are arched high with joy, cocooning them in warmth. He is certain that he’s never felt so happy in all of his long life.

The pie that had ended up on his coffee table is returned. Michael is disappointed but congratulatory. Samuel proves a good ally in composition and Charlotte in choosing garments and other tokens. They wear each other's feathers with pride.

Dean absolutely dotes on Castiel, giving just as much affection as he receives and reminding Castiel at every opportunity that this is it, they’re stuck together now.

Castiel gently touches the fresh mark on his shoulder. _Now and forever._

**Author's Note:**

> here are my plot notes via tumblr chat with [ashley](http://jhoomwrites.tumblr.com/):  
>  **pb:** maybe Michael makes a move and Dean asks Cas about accepting it?  
>  **jw:** dean: I'M TOTALLY GOING TO LET HIM COURT ME UNLESS SOMEONE ANYONE AT ALL (ESPECIALLY SOMEONE WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH A C) STOPS ME...  
>  **pb:** lol but rly  
>  **jw:** would cas realize that dean's hesitating because of him though?  
>  **pb:** No he would not, Cas is way caught up in not being as awesome as an archangel  
>  But like they've been best friends forever and so maybe when Dean mentions accepting the courtship Cas's shoulder slump, etc. etc. and Dean's like what's up buddy and Cas just kind of breaks down?  
> I love a good teary confessional  
>  **jw:** ditto  
>  cas, moping: good luck with michael  
> dean, pointedly: cas... can you think of ANY reason why i should not accept his courtship?  
> these silly boys and their low self esteem  
>  **pb:** dean, deadpan: yes I'm over the moon to be courting michael there is literally no other angel who I have known for my entire existence with whom i would rather be mated  
>  **jw:** cas, believing him: of course, i understand. michael *is* an archangel after all  
>  dean, under his breath: jfc you're an idiot
> 
>  
> 
> [on tumblr](http://profound-boning.tumblr.com/post/157048317829/)


End file.
